Reflections on the Institution of Marriage

It is hard to speak out as an advocate for traditional marriage today because so many observers immediately equate opposition to same-sex marriage with hatred or fear. As I hope to demonstrate below, I support marriage as a union between a man and a woman not out of dislike of gays and lesbians but out of conviction that traditional marriage is a universal social institution created by God for the good of all humanity. I hope that our discussion on this emotionally-charged issue will model a truly alternative political conversation with a spirit of mutual respect and desire for understanding.

Marriage as an Essential Institution

Let me begin my discussion by briefly outlining my understanding of marriage.

God created marriage for the good of humankind. Classic Christian teaching on the origin and purpose of human marriage looks to the creation accounts in Genesis 1 and 2. God created marriage as a permanent and covenantal relationship between one man and one woman, each equal image bearers of God created to complement one another and who together, in divine mystery, become one flesh. The late theologian John Stott identifies three central purposes for marriage as outlined in Genesis: (1) the procreation of children and providing for the nurture and well-being of families, (2) the provision of suitable helpers who supply support, healing, and encouragement so that each marriage partner can recognize his or her full created potential, and (3) “a reciprocal commitment of self-giving love which finds its natural expression in sexual unity or becoming ‘one flesh.’”

Jesus’s teachings confirm this understanding of marriage. When religious leaders of his day asked him about divorce, Jesus answered the question by pointing back to Genesis and emphasizing the divine creation and permanence of marriage.

Not everyone shares this view of marriage. For example, varying interpretations of Biblical teaching on marriage and sexuality have become a source of division and even schism within many congregations and denominations.

Marriage between a man and a woman has been recognized for millennia as a foundational institution that helps maintain the common good. As an institution, marriage is larger than and holds greater significance than the individual unions it represents. Marriage provides a way to create public and legal rights and responsibilities for the care and continuation of the next generation. As such, it presumes that committed, permanent male/female relationships are the best way (albeit not the only way) to protect and care for children.

In our increasingly individualistic society that encourages instant gratification and rampant consumerism, it is easy to forget that marriage is not ultimately about relationships between individuals. Sexual liberty is not and should not be the definitive goal. Marriage is not about personal fulfillment: it is fundamentally about self-sacrifice and seeking the good of others.

Rights of Individuals and Institutions

Many proponents of same-sex marriage argue that the denial of marriage benefits violates the civil rights of gays and lesbians. But this argument conflates the notion of civil rights for individuals with rights of institutions and organizations. I agree with the Center for Public Justice’s Guidelines for Government and Citizenship that states: “Sexual orientation should have no bearing on a person’s status as a citizen with civil rights in the political community. . . When the civil rights of citizens are threatened because of their sexual orientation, it may be appropriate for government to provide special protection against such discriminatory treatment.”

The public debate over gay marriage is not and should not be a debate about private sexual behavior. Consensual private sexual behavior should indeed be private, and government should not seek to regulate it. The lack of gay marriage does not prohibit homosexual activity or homosexual relationships; those are individual rights.

But marriage and family law are not rooted in concepts of individual rights; indeed, the goal of family law is to protect the institutions of marriage and the family over and against what individuals might seek for themselves. As the CPJ Guidelines explain: “In addition to recognizing the civil rights of individuals, public law should also recognize the rights of certain institutions and organizations – such as marriage, family, church, university, and corporation. Only by doing this can government do justice to the diverse institutions of a complex society.” Marriage is a social institution in which the state has a legitimate interest, so public law serves its purpose when it seeks to uphold and preserve it.

Government policies have often encouraged and supported the institution of marriage because it offers the best hope for the next generation. Study after study reveals that children raised in intact, married-parent households are better students, achieve higher levels of education, are less likely to live in poverty, and are less likely to commit suicide, have lower arrest and teen pregnancy rates, and earn more money as adults than their peers without married parents.

We are all aware that the institution of marriage is in significant decline, as decades of high divorce rates and increasing numbers of children born outside of marriage (currently 41% and rising quickly) demonstrate.

Many societal trends contribute to the problem, and our individualistic and libertine views of sexuality are among the biggest factors. We have lost sight of the essential societal role of marriage and have shifted our focus from responsibility, sacrifice and seeking the communal good to individual concerns like personal fulfillment and happiness. These are cultural problems, and they affect us all: Christians and non-Christians, gay or straight.

In my view, the best way Christians can respond to the same-sex marriage debate is to change our own behavior. Far too many Christians have bought into the lie of self-gratification; sex outside of marriage and divorce are commonplace. Christians aren’t living up to the standards that God ordained. If we want to rebuild the institution of marriage, we should start by repenting, changing our own behavior, and seeking new ways to encourage our brothers and sisters to live lives of chastity and fidelity.